Flatmate issues
by mon.cheri.mer
Summary: Being gay in society is hell. Things like fearing your friends will find out, doubting your mental stability and self value are common. That's why getting unaware flatmate may be a blessing and golden mean for all insecurities. Au and Matt's pov.


I closed my eyes and exhaled, trying to calm down and get a hold of nerves. This was going to be tough but nobody ever promised it won't. I had no family to take care of me nor did I have any kind of caretaker. I was alone, by myself and that was the simplest truth. If I didn't cope with my life then nobody would. I coughed and finally cracked my eyelids open, this time not only to look into blinding blue sky but to get a glance of my sitting across me friend.

"Have you found something yet?'' He asked toying with red apple, scratching it a little only to stroke it soothingly moment after. I smiled and shook my head as 'no'. He made some face but hid it in palm of his hand. I tilted my brow looking at him with suspicion.

''What.'' This time it was him who raised an eyebrow.

''I didn't say anything.''

''But you're giving me this look like you are planning something and trying your best not to show this.'' I explained in bored tone. He chuckled and elegantly chomped rippled fruit. I sighed and rubbed my face.

''Well.. You know, if only you would stop being stubborn I could talk to my friends.. I am sure somebody would be willing to take a roommate in. This way it would be profitable for you both..''

''Light.'' I stopped him midsentence glaring at him from under my gogles. Which he hated, I should mention. '' I don't want to burden you with my problems. This is first thing. And the second is that I would rather not move in somebody's flat. With somebody, yea. Because this way flat is half your and half your roommate's. But when you actually are moving in to somebody's flat its already their flat. They can kick you out anytime.'' He coughed surely feeling kind of uneasy and shrugged.

''Be mad or whatsoever but I already asked and have person willing to move in _with_ you.'' I dropped the spoon I was holding and it clattered in half emptied glass of creamy coffee.

''Light..'' I whined. Actually the problem wasn't that I didn't want _any_ help. It was just that I wasn't sure I wanted _Light__'s _help in this area. Of course in any other things I would be glad to receive it but when it came to having anything to do with his friends.. I mean, look at him. He was friends with _me_ from all of the people. With cherried hair, stripped clad, smoking, gaming and gogled brat. This haven't given you idea about what kind of people he was surrounded with? Oh, I can give some more examples. His best friend was an insomniac. And I am not saying it was bad. After all this was some kind of sickness and there was actually almost no way of dealing with it. But bad was that he was.. god, he was creepy. With his big black rimmed eyes, weird blank expression and.. everything.. I don't know what it exactly was, but there surely was something not right with him. Ah, even now he was giving me goosebumps.

''Matt.''

And even his girlfriend was weird. You know, looking at such a handsome guy as Light you would get the idea that his girlfriend was intelligent sexbomb beast. And I cannot say Misa wasn't sexy, but.. Goth? God, he had NOTHING in common with goth. And there she was. I kind of don't get it.. So please, don't judge me when I don't want to move in with one of his friends!

''Just meet him.'' I raised my eyebrows. A guy..? But, yeah, on the second thought.. ''Wha, you didn't actually think I would hook you up in a flat with a girl, right? After seeing what you are doing with them on every party there is no way in hell I would sentence them to this.'' He chuckled on his own joke and I grinned lightly. Yea, that was true. On every party I would end up in bed with girl, fucking her senseless into the mattress. And in the morning I would end up with eating me from inside guilt and disgust. Why was I so.. weak? Why couldn't I just stand and say 'hey guys, you know I am not really into chicks!'? Damn.

''I told you that moving..''

''He moved into this flat two weeks ago. He thought he would be able to afford this on his own however this is kind of out of question. He actually was totally opposing the idea of getting a roommate. You know, he is quite an eccentric..'' Like I was expecting anything else from Light's friend..''..and likes to have things his way. And you know, moving in **with..**'' Okaaay, I get the idea, moving **with**.. chill out Light..''..moving in with somebody is a great risk. You can move with some freak and there is no way back because he already gave the money and papers are signed..''

''You see. I am a freak, that's it.''

''I gave him my word you are a calm dude. You're going to make me take my words back?'' I sighed. This was so difficult. And this bastard knew exactly what to say to manipulate me into doing what he wanted. Frustrating.

''No..''

''You see, now that was simple, wasn't it? There, there, don't be like this Matt. Actually this is high time you do something. We are starting second year in a week so.. It would be bad if you haven't had place til this time.''

''Yea..''

''So I'm going to give him a call and talk about when you can meet up and talk about details. You won't need me for this, right?''

''No..''

''Or would you like me to come along to make it easier?''

''Uhh.. Yea..'' Suddenly he burst out laughing.

''Matt, you should have heard yourself just a second ago.. No, yea, no, yea.. Man, sometimes you can behave like total dork.'' I glared at him while he was still laughing hard, wiping tears from eyes. Now, I was totally fucked.

I eyed the pack of cigarettes in my hand and sighed miserably. This was definitely a bad idea to come to the first meeting with your possible roommate stinking of smoke. Of course he would have to get used to this if we were to live together [in which I actually didn't believe] but the first impression, no matter how false and unimportant it was.. Because let's face the fact; everybody judges you from their first impression and it's pretty hard to make them change their mind. That is why I inhaled deeply, rubbed my sweaty hands in jeans and pushed the doors.

I saw them sitting at right, near the window. It looked like Light was enjoying himself, laughing and all. But wait. Didn't he say he wouldn't let me be with a girl? So what one was doing with him? Ah, maybe it was Misa.. After all it was blonde and maybe she changed her haircut. But then where was my roommate-to-be? I felt my eyes narrowing and unconsciously put gogles back on them even though I planned on leaving them on my head. When I was almost behind Misa Light looked up and smiled tentatively.

''I thought you wouldn't come, Matt.'' He said gesturing for me to sit down. I cocked my eyebrow up and looked at the phone I was holding over the pack of cigarettes. Ah, hell, I should have put them in my pocket.

''I am on time, like always. No need to be doubting me, I never back on my promises.'' I muttered showing the pack into my pocket. He smiled and nodded. Then I looked suspiciously at blonde. This was definitely not Misa. He tilted his head so I could see his face's outline. He had sharp features, small sharp nose and.. Well that was everything I could see from this angle.

I brushed awkwardly my hair and motioned to stop on the side, between the two.

''Hi, I'm Matt.'' I murmured and looked over at him.

''Mello.'' He smiled, getting up. We shook hands and eventually sat, with me noticing the way his hair flew around his pale, feminine face. He was pretty. Very pretty. Very, very pretty. And those shoulder length cornflake colour hair.. I coughed, thanking god I actually decided to put my gogles on. Without them by now I would be probably blushing furiously.

''Nice you two met. Now, excuse me. I must go to the toilet, will be back within minutes.''

''Okay, Light. But don't run away like last time.'' Mello sing songed and laughed, when Light actually glared at him and turned to leave. I looked at him quietly asking for answers. Ah, I forgot. It was rather impossible to get the idea I was looking at him in this way because of my gogles.

I was about to voice my question when he looked back at me and shrugged.

''Last time we met up he said he was going to go to the toilet. On his way there Misa called him and he just left. Not even one word. I thought I would kill him. And.. ekhem..'' He coughed as if stifling the next sentence. Was there something he didn't want to say?

''Yeah, feel the same way. But I guess it's just the way Light is.''

''Hm. But he can be really responsible. I think it's just that he loves to piss me off.'' I nodded smirking. This blonde guy was quite nice. Kind of.. mellow. Yeeah, know it was a lame joke.

''So. Heard you were looking for the flat?''

''Yeeah.''

''Light said you're calm and responsible person. To begin with I had no intention of getting a flatmate however.. You know how things are. When you are studying there is no way to get maximum wage job. And flats are quite expensive.'' I nodded and grabbed Light's cup with intention of sipping whatever was inside. I had a bad taste on my tongue and was struggling to get rid of that. For my misfortune, cup was emptied. I waved on a waiter and glanced at blonde.

''And why in the first place didn't you want to move with somebody and would rather burden yourself?''

''I study a lot, often til dawn. I have a fetish of keeping my place clean. Hate hearing couples making out in another room. And am rather difficult to cope with person. I hate my schedule to be interrupted. So.. I just never thought about dealing with something as problematic as this.''

''Oh..''

''Don't get me wrong. I don't think you're problematic. Actually me being here is like admitting I think you're appropriate guy. Even though I only know you from Light's anecdotes.. Before I would have rather move into shitty apartment and be alone, happy and stuff, but then Light suggested meeting you. He said you are the kind of guy I was looking for, and I must admit it took him quite some time to talk me into this, but eventually he managed to do this. And I must admit if you really are always as composed as now then it's best deal ever. I prefer staying in apartment I rent 'cause it's really cozy and stuff.''

''Yeah, it really is. The way you like it Matt.'' Out of nowhere Light popped behind his back holding two cups in which, I was guessing, was coffee. Something I craved oh so much.

''And how do you know what way I like it?'' I asked in low voice tapping the table before me. He got the idea and sat next to me placing on tapped place cup.

''I am guessing considering you hated my flat. It's its total opposite.'' He smiled at me and I did the same lowering my eyes on dark fluid. Then I shrugged and put two spoonfuls of sugar into it.

''Then.. I think it's settled. When are we going to check the flat?'' I asked looking from behind my fringe at Mello. He dipped his index finger into whipped creamed that was put on his drink and swirled it few times before dragging it to his mouth and licking like a cat.

''Even now. Exceptionally it's my free day so we can go without speeding like any other day we would be forced to do.'' He said while putting the edge of glass next to his lips. Was he doing this on purpose?

''O-okay..''

''It's great but I cannot go along. Misa and I decided to visit L, sorry. Hope you can handle each other without me?'' I rolled my eyes and shusheed Light.

''Don't treat us like five-year-old children.''

''Oh, Matty, looking at your hobby I cannot help the idea of you being one.'' This time I glared at him cause, really, it's not my fault I do enjoy games and he actually giggled. God, he giggled. And tell me he wasn't a lowlife.

''Light, you're gross.'' Mello stated looking at him with disgusted look.

''Look who in hell is talking! The guy who giggles after one drink. And after a few more while being in shitty mood smashes his fists at everyone. That is gross.'' My eyes widened behind my gogles and looked straight at blonde, who coughed idly. So.. he wasn't mellow after all? Dammit. Light probably also felt he said something tactless because he scratched his head awkwardly, the same way I did maybe a half an hour ago.

''Well..'' the blonde started tapping at glass. I think it was filled with choco but wouldn't wager on that. '' I said I had difficult personality..'' He looked up at me as if trying to guess what I was thinking.

''It's fine. We will be only living together and it's not like we will be drinking together.'' I muttered and stood up. ''Let's get going. Light, I will call you once we decide on anything.''

''Cool.'' I gulped all coffee at once and sighted in relief. Now I felt sweet and strong taste on my tongue. No more cigarette aftermath. Because I must admit, as much as I love cigs I hate the taste they leave. And again, my misfortune, today I forgot to buy some sweets and mouth refresher run out.

''Let's go.'' I nodded once again and quietly followed the blonde.

Most of the way we spent talking. Or was it Mello who was talking and me simply listening. When we finally reached the building he stopped and reached into his pockets, surely searching for keys.

''Let's go, elevator is over here.''

''Can't we take the stairs?'' I asked eyeing the small cabin. Blonde looked at me with hesitation.

''It's on fifth floor.''

''Still I must insist on stairs.'' He nodded, maybe slightly irritated. I breathed out in relief shooting a hateful glare into elevator's direction.

''You scared or what?'' He asked looking at me above his arm. We were on third floor and his breath hitched. Mine, despite being chain smoker's one, was still even.

''About elevators? Yea, got stuck in one for eleven hours. Complicated shit, really. We were between floors and lights went out and shit feared to drop if anybody tried getting in to cut it and get us out of damned cofin.. So yea, I-without shame and regret- must admit I hate those and am never gonna use it again.''

''You said 'we'.. how many of you were there?''

''Me and my.. friend. And it was so hot..''

''Yea, I can imagine.'' Mello chuckled looking at me knowingly while unlocking door.

''Not in this way, you pervert..''

''Okay. So.. it may not be the thing you dream about, but.. just come and catch a glimpse.'' Kind of reluctantly he moved to the side while pressing on the handle, pushing the door open. I took some hesitant steps and walked into big, open space. I think for several seconds I might have forgot how to breathe because this was exactly what I was dreaming of getting. Or maybe it was even better, I don't really know at this point. Right before me was big window taking the whole wall. Or, to be precise, there was almost no wall looking at fact the window was two and a half meters high and was spread on the whole length. And, even though it was big, it wasn't like apartment was sunlit. It was kept in cozy burgund coulour scheme with few furnitures: tv, big black leather sofa, dark bookcase and coffee table. With only those furniture and big space it looked good and comfortable. On the left there was kitchen annexe designed in lazy semicircle with buffet and bar-like stools.

''There is a bathroom'' Mello placed his hand on my shoulder to draw my attention and pointed the door on left near the entrance.'' and two bedrooms. I didn't have the time to put my shit out so one is still totally empty. Soo.. What do you think?''

I exhaled slowly looking around once again.

''When can I move in?''

''So, just to your knowledge. It's not like I expect us to be friends. Actually I guess you would be exhausted if forced to cope with me to much.. So yeah. I will be paying exactly the half of the rent. If anything goes wrong in our coegzisting we will just live next to one another, nothing more.''

''Yeah, I also had that in mind. Because there is no way I am moving out.''

''Same here, Mello. Any rules?''

''Ahh.. Yeah. I study a lot and hate it when music is played to loudly in the evening. It's disturbing my thoughts.''

''No problem, usually I am not loud person. Anything more?''

''Yeah.. It would be nice if you forewarn me before you invite your friends for drinking session or anything like that..''

''Okay. And while we are in this topic, I hate it when somebody is bringing their dates home for fucking. I wanna sleep in night, not hear.. well, things.''

''Agree! Same, here, totally.''

''And.. that's it?''

''I think so.. everything will be clear once you move in.''

''I guess so.''

''So.. Welcome on board!''

I smirked and Mello chuckled patting my back once. Let the journey begin.

It was a month now that I moved with Mello and I must say it was very comfortable. We were working perfectly, both me and him getting his own space and not disturbing the other. We worked ideal scheme with me waking up first to go to college in morning, before leaving preparing in express dark, hot coffee and leaving it for him, with him leaving an hour later, me going for work right after classes, him going from classes to work, me leaving work later when he already got ingredients for dinner, him walking slowly waiting for me to get him midway and giving him a ride, me helping him with bags, him with closing my car and unlocking the door. It worked really perfectly. We would sit in kitchen, me smoking and listening to him talking while cooking. And if it was weekend he would sleep a little longer and I would prepare something chocolatey as a thank you for whole week's meals.

I sighed and stretched a little shutting my game. It was already past nine pm, Monday and Mello still wasn't home. This time he decided he didn't need a ride so I came home right away. And don't get me wrong, it wasn't like he couldn't go anywhere. It was just every time he went somewhere he told me so I wouldn't worry if something happened.

I turned tv on and in exact same second heard keys tangling and jingling when he put them in lock and turned.

''MATT! We have to hurry!'' He shouted kicking the door close and storming in. I smirked and wrinkled my nose, feeling the gogles dig into my flesh a little uncomfortably.

''What for?''

''Game!'' He said while walking to table not caring about taking shoes off. I growled, cause had bad habit walking barefoot and then had all shit on them.

''What game?'' I asked shifting from sofa and looking at bags he carried.

''US Open final, what else?'' He asked, putting champagne on the table and taking some boxes along with it.

''What's that?'' Some nice smell reached my nose and I smiled. Take-out food was sometimes nice difference from home-made ones.

''Chinese food. Put sport program on and come on, tonight we're going to celebrate!''

''Celebrate what?''

''What, what.. Victory of course!'' He laughed and took black plates out, stuffing them with food. I smirked and came to him throwing the garbage to bin and pulling out the glass.

''You shouldn't be this fixated because there may be big disappointment.''

''Oh, give me a break. Nadal's gonna win!'' He laughed and then took big chocolate cake out on plateau and another bottle. Whiskey? ''And when it happens we're gonna get wasted!'' He sing songed and I actually laughed. He tilted his head when I did so. What Mello, you thought I can only smirk? God, don't give me this look, I'm gonna die being observed like this.

''Sure. Why not.''

''Come on.'' He grabbed both plates and I got the forks and motioned to sofa once again. He looked at my PSP and empty cig's box when he slapped himself lightly and walked back to his school bag. He got from it two packs and gave me with light smile. Yeah, that was nice. He never forgot to buy me cigs and I never forgot to get him choco. Like I said, everything worked perfectly.

''Yah, it started!''

''So.. Who are we cheering for?''

''Like I said, Nadal!'' Oh my god, he was so hyped I almost burst out laughing.

''Yeah, I know that. What I meant was which one is Nadal?'' He actually **glared **at me! It was getting more and more hilarious.

''One in blue shirt.''

''And the other one is.. ehh.. Dj..''

''NOOOO!'' He shouted throwing himself at me. His palms shut my mouth as he pushed them with great force in my face. My eyes widened in shock and suddenly I regretted he couldn't see that because maybe then he would have let me go.

''In this apartment.. In our home.. There is no way.. We just DON'T voice this bitch's surname. Got it? In our home this surname is not vocalized. We don't even think it! Got it?'' I nodded and he finally released me. I inhaled, hard.

''Christ, Mells, chill out. It was okay not to jump me.'' He shrugged and handed me the plate. With this I hoped he won't attack me the same again. He wouldn't risk dirting everything around.

''So.. this bitch..''

''MANWHORE!''

''Okay.. why don't _we_ like him?''

''Because he is awful! It should have been Federer one year ago to play in final with Nadal and look, this bitch came and won. Oh, I hate him so much! Three titles in a year! I just cannot agree to that. And being first in raking.. It's Nadal's or Federer's place!''

''I didn't know you liked tennis.'' He shrugged and stared at screen. I looked only to find zoom on Nadal's back. What a big ass he had here, woah.

''Well, there are also things I still don't know about you so it's only fair.'' I felt my cheeks redden. Yeah, you don't know _many_ things. Like.. why I end up with girl in bed every now and then when we go to party and then am down for a few days.. You really don't know, Mello..

''Oh look! Gem Nadal!'' He cheered when I put some pasta in my mouth and started chewing. ''Look at those legs. This is a power. Such a fine muscles.. And imagine what it would feel like to have him thrust into you from behind with full force..''

What, what, what, what, WHAAAT? I choked on pasta and started coughing, suddenly suffocated. Mello jumped up and started patting my back as I managed to swallow and get some air, wheezing and still coughing. I felt my cheeks redden even more and tore the gogles from my face to rub at my teary eyes. What the fuck was that?

''Hey, you okay?'' He asked, concern in voice. I shook my head as no and coughed some more, feeling burning sensation in my throat. Second after I felt Mello's hands on my back as he bent me over and started tapping on my back again.

''E-enough!'' I managed to choke out and I was flying down pulled by his hands and then he sprawled me on couch.

''Don't you dare to die!'' He murmured and I reached up to wipe my eyes dry. Only then I opened them and he inhaled sharply as our eyes met.

''Can't you be a little more.. gentle?'' I asked finally breathing hard. He bit his lower lip [oh no, don't do that, please] and stared me into eyes. ''What?''

''Emerald.''

''Huh?''

''Your eyes are emerald.''

''Ah, that. I know.'' I murmured pushing him away and getting up. I looked down to get my gogles. He didn't have to say it like that. I mean I know they are ugly and just _weird_ with such intense colour and they are creepy and all.. If I didn't know I wouldn't have got those gogles in the first place.. But really. He didn't have to say it like that. I wrinkled my nose and finally spotted them.

''Hey, are they really that comfortable?''

''Yeah, why?''

''Isn't it tiring after some time in such dark place to have gogles on?''

''Well, I grew used to this. Prefer this than getting weird stares.''

''Why weird stares?'' I looked at him with clearly mocking expression until I remembered I still didn't have my gogles on and could creep him out.

''I think you know what I am talking about now that you saw them. They're making people uncomfortable so I prefer not to make them feel like it. Simple.''

''Matt. They are not making me uncomfortable, you can leave your gogles off while we're home. I vow I won't stare!'' He put one hand on his heart and raised the other. I looked at him suspiciously in the eyes and really, he didn't flinch. Nor did I, something new. But.. could I really?

''Just leave it.'' He murmured and suddenly looked at screen. I knew it, he was just being nice but also couldn't bear my stare. Damn. I reached for my protection but before I could grasp them he jumped and scream some obscenities.

''Fuck, fuck, fuck, no! You bitchy slut, fuck you!'' I looked at screen. Oh, the bitch won first set. Mello whined and threw the pillow on tv.

''Go for it Nadal, use your sexy ass and win!'' He cheered. And then I remembered what lead us to this weird conversation about my eyes. I choked once again. This time on my saliva. Pathetic. Mello's eyes darted back to mine as I coughed again.

''God, don't suffocate, you idiot.''

''What the fuck are those comments for?'' I shouted angrily, actually having more emotion in my usually calm voice then thought it would have.

''What comments?''

''About thrusting and stuff!''

''Wha.. Hey, when you are looking at chicks playing and their outlines deliciously visible don't you think about how would it feel to have them under you and stuff?'' I gulped while swallowing. Well, not while watching chicks but.. I knew what was the point so I nodded. ''Well same here for me. Didn't you know I'm gay?'' My eyes widened in shock and I thanked god for my gogles. I knew how to control my face as everybody, but being hidden behind lenses all the time I couldn't tame my eyes from emotions. So.. Fuck. I didn't have my gogles on. Fuck, shit, damn, hell.

''How.. how could I know?'' I slowly shook my head and he shrugged.

''Light haven't told you?''

''Light knows?''

''Yeah, naturally.''

''And.. what did he..''

''He's cool with that.'' I gulped. Was I the only one who was cheating them? And only because I was simply afraid of something what didn't even exsist? Of homophoby and hatred that wouldn't reach me? ''Ah.. Maybe I should have guessed.. If you knew there would be no way..''

''You're wrong!'' I suddenly yanked my head up to look him in the eyes.'' I..'' can't tell him. I want. But can't. Why? Don't know. I can't.'' ..am also cool with that. You only surprised me.''

I smiled and he did the same slowly relaxing. I blinked a few times getting him image engraved in my memory. After all I haven't seen him without orange lenses disturbing me even once so it was like first time actually seeing him. So I had to engrave it in my memory for the times I won't be able to look at him like now. Why? Don't know. But I had to.

''You know, I really like your eyes.'' He laughed suddenly and I shrugged. Blush, go away, shush! ''Oh noooo..! You bitch! Fuck you, go and die!'' I looked up to see Mello throwing more things in tv. Bitch got upper hand of Nadal. I chuckled as Mello wrinkled his nose, having nothing more to throw and settled to eat his cooled dinner.

''Today you are quite hyped. Is that dream's of Nadal's sinfully muscled _things_ working you from behind the cause of this?'' I asked, kind of amused when he shoot me hesitant glare and shrugged.

''Kind of.'' He mumbled and I raised my eyebrows. What was wrong with him today?

''Nooo...'' He whined, when it was two to zero and his sexy god was loosing. When third set came and game was becoming more fun, as both were trying harder, Mello giggled and commented the whole time his body. Jesus, did he have to do that?

''Look at those arms. He could crush me if he wanted to.''

''Mello, he looks like duck with his big ass.''

''WHAT? He does not! And his ass is not this big!'' I shot him doubtful gaze and he blushed a little. I laughed when he did so. ''Okay, maybe a little. But really.. Just thinking about power of his thrust drives me crazy.'' Me too. The way he was talking about it.

''Watch out or you will get a hard on. And I don't want to hear you moan in bathroom, really.'' Yes, Mello, please. Watch out, or I will end up with the biggest and most embarrassing hard on in my whole life.

''Shut up. Just imagine it. His hands pushing you on bed, face smashed in pillows and he comes behind you just a second later. And you cannot even think anymore, cause all you are is a _touch_, when he strips you and grabs your hips, rocking slowly and sensually with you, grinding from time to time. And you are so lost in pleasure, and he pins you down with one hand, muscular hand which leaves no space for moving around, and his other hand is grasping you, fondling, and _oh god_ he starts to stretch you.. And before you can shout for him to keep going he thrust inside you with force which brings you down, or maybe forth and your face is smashed in headboard this time and you cry out, and he thrusts, ram into you, bury himself to the hilt and..''

''STOP IT.'' I managed to choke out looking with disbelief at blonde, whose hips were slowly rocking up and down, and his eyes were closed and lips slowly parted when he stopped speaking.. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I will strangle him in a second.

''Oh, sorry.'' He blushed furiously and I snapped.

''What the fuck was that? Are you fuckin high or what?'' His eyes widened as my sentence soaked into his brain and I gasped. Really? Was he drugged?

''Am not.'' He whispered and I leaned to him, looked straight in eyes.

''Indeed, they're too big.''

''I am not drugged, I don't take drugs! God, Matt, I only took some pills to wake up. Tomorrow I have a test and need to absorb some informations after the match. It's only some efedryn for Christ's sake.''

''You are so stupid! Don't you know that even pills that you can get in farmacy are bad for your health?''

''Look who is talking.''

''Mells, you idiot. You can do just fine without them.'' He looked down escaping my eyes. I sighed. I wasn't his mom, not even friend, so why would he have to listen to me?

''It's not true.''

''It is true. And what is better, get one hundred percent on test and get sick later or get ninety and be fine? God, why nobody ever stopped it?''

''Nobody cares.'' He shrugged and I stared at him in silence. He was so fragile in this moment, tangled in cotton black shirt and embarrassed blush tangled with blonde, first time messy locks.

''And your friends? Light?''

''Nobody.''

''Does he even know?''

''How could he not? It's obvious. But everybody has chosen not to see that.''

''You DO take drugs, right?''

''Did, but only once.''

''And that was the last time. Now, I do care.''

Mello lifted his gaze on me and time stopped. Nadal lost. Mob cheered for winner. I breathed slowly. Mello cried, on his high, one tear rolling down his cheek. Nadal winced. Bitch laid down. Mello closed his eyes. Champagne stayed untouched, as the winner was only a runner-up. My hands wrapped themselves around blonde. Nadal congratulated. Mello winced and shivered in anger. I turned the tv off. He choked on stifled sob. I opened the champagne.

''Let's celebrate.''

''He lost. Once again he is only a pathetic runner-up. Not a winner. They won't remember him being the champion. They will remember how he lost.''

''Let's celebrate.''

''There is nothing to celebrate!''

''I care and want to be your friend. Is that not enough of a reason?''

After that evening, evening of two loses, Mello got eighty four percent on his test. Week later I stayed with him for several nights up, studying with him. Without drugs. Without pills. Only with companionship and coffee. Then he got ninety eight percent. I think I dug my own grave looking at fact that week before tests he comes to me and forces into studying with him. No talking helps. Even me telling him I had my own studies didn't help; he just smiled and said we can learn both things. And so we did. I started getting better results with his help and it was creeping me out. Too much attention was drawn to me because of that and teachers got the idea maybe I am not as stupid as I pretended I was. It was hell. And even worse hell came when Light suggested throwing a party in our apartment and Mello eagerly agreed.

So here I was. With cig between my lips and beer in my left hand, looking at Mello who was laughing and gripping choco, which became his new high. Acceptable high.

''Matt, long time!'' I smiled looking at girl I once met and once fucked. And then left. And pitied and felt seriously nauseous after. Because maybe she did feel something for me and I just used her for my own dirty plotting.

''Kiyomi...'' I kissed her lightly and she pressed her lips against mine like it was only natural. The horrible feeling boiled in my stomach and I felt sick.

But could do not much more. Everybody was dancing and having fun, Light petting and adoring his girlfriend, L sitting on a couch and almost having sex with strawberry cake, Mello groping some thin, tall redhead.. I laughed. Did I just imagine myself being groped by Mello, while he was gripping his hands on some guy's hips? Pathetic. I am so pathetic.

Hours flew by, me getting drunk only to stop feeling, to stop _looking._ Because if I did there was a chance they noticed I didn't stare at girl's backs, but their _boyfriends _or _partners_.. Or at Mello.. and his partner.. I coughed and felt cigarette slip from between my lips. Kiyomi giggled and used the chance to kiss me, forcefully. I gave in, fighting the need to push her away and throw up. I'm so sick, I'm so twisted.

''Let's go.'' She whispers and tugs at my hand. At this point there was only few people left. If my mind wasn't misleading me, it's Mello with other guy, Light with Misa and.. wasn't that L? I want to cry when she pushes me past the door leading to my room and I start to wonder when have I became this weak to be pushed around like this.

''Kiyo.. stop..'' I mutter feeling her breasts rub at my chest and the need to throw up is overwhelming.

''Why.. isn't sex with me satisfying?'' She purrs nibbling at my ear and I want to push her away but my hands are so heavy, I can't move.

''No.''

''Matt, you okay?'' I hear Mello step in and start praying he would act on his fierce temper, would throw her away from me. She smelled to sweetly, like any woman and I can't take it anymore, can't deal with it, no, no, no..

''No. Get the fuck off me.'' I mutter powerlessly and try to wiggle from under her, but her hands are firm as if she didn't drink as much as me. And maybe she didn't, I never cared about her this much to check out.

''Matty..'' She whispers and next thing I know are her hands on my crotch and lips on my mouth, her tongue inside, but only for brief second, because she is yanked up and Mello is right here, in the best time possible.

''Get the fuck off my boyfriend.'' She gasped and I smiled content. Somehow those were the most appropriate words for me. And then there was nothing, just darkness.

This night was hell. I don't want to live right now, I would like to sleep it over and wake up when my body settles down. But this is not a solution. So I have to feel the pain, squirm under covers and feel sweat staining my forehead.

''Matt, what in hell did you drink?'' Mello sat down beside me, dragging his hand over my face. If I didn't know better I would take that as an affectionate gesture. But I did know better.

''Dunno..'' I gasped, rolling over to rest on my side. ''Some shit.''

''Big amount of shit.'' He muttered and before I could answer something was burning my throat. I jumped off and dashed to bathroom to at last second bend over the toilet. I gagged and threw up, feeling tears staining my face. I know Mello stopped right beside me and it was so humiliating.

''Who was she?'' He asked suddenly, out of nowhere. Oh, Mello. Do you seriously think I have any energy left to talk about stuff like that?

''Nobody.'' I muttered and flushed the toilet. Then I sat up and reached to sink to brush my teeth. No way in hell will I silently accept this awful taste lingering on my tongue. He gritted his teeth and just left. What was wrong with him lately?

_''Matt, I will come home late. Don't wait.''_

I sighed. Yeah, he told me about a week earlier he and his friends from university planned on hanging out. I had no objections. And even if I had there was actually nothing I could do. Because what would I say, ''don't you dare cause I'm jealous''? Like in hell I was. No, I wasn't. It was just that I grew used to him simply being here, to his presence. Fierce and powerful, even when he wasn't in mood and insisted on silence. I glanced at clock. One am. Was he even going to come back today? Well.. Looking at the hour he surely was coming today, especially as it was saturday now.. But that's not the point. I was just about getting my ass in bed when I heard this. Keys' tangling. Finally!

''Mello!'' I exclaimed rushing to the door. I snapped them open before he could put keys in. I was about to joke about him getting drunk but then I saw _him_. Him. I choked and stepped inside, backing of. Mello smiled at me and leaned on doorframe, grinning lightly.

''Hey Matt. I knew we talked about not having dates for night but I think you can make an exception tonight, right?'' I shiverred looking at dark eyes. Merciless eyes. Oh, how I lusted after them year ago and how I feared seeing them again. And there they were again. With Mello. I felt like throwing up.

''Hey Matt. Long time no seen.'' I choked and stepped back more.

''Huh? You know him Miles?'' Mello raised his eyebrow and giggled. Oh, he was drunk. Smashed. No wonder he came with somebody. Usually he wasn't interested in those kinds of activities.

''Yeah.. So it's even more interesting then I thought it would be. Having Matt here.. It's such a reward.'' He chuckled and this brought me back on Earth. What the fuck? Why should I be afraid? I was no longer the same shy redhead as I used to be. There was no way I was taking pain in silence.

''Mello, get in.'' I moved quickly forward, grasped blonde and yanked him inside. He tripped and fell to the ground but I didn't give a shit.

''You. If I see you here or near Mello once again, I will make anything no matter the cost to destroy you. Got it?'' I hissed and smashed door closed before he could respond or stop me. I locked them and felt adrenaline rush once again through my veins.

''What the fuck was that? Who gave you the right?''

''Shut up!'' Fuck, why couldn't he just appreciate what I just did for him? Because, hell, if it wasn't for him I would just let it be, I would have it deep in my ass if Miles was in this town or not! And here I was, rescuing his ass and what Mello does? Oh, yeah, Mello bitches around! I huffed and motioned towards kitchen annexe to grab some soda or whatever. Unfortunately Mello didn't know when it was best for him to stop and followed me, almost stomping on my heels.

''How can I shut up? I was gong to get laid tonight and you just **had to **ruin this, hadn't you? I mean, how can I even look him in the eye next time I see him? I mean, we study together, Matt! Try and think before you do something!''

''I said shut up!'' I yelled turning to him with inhuman speed. I clasped my hand over his mouth and brought my face closer to his. '' Do you even realise I just literally saved your fucking ass? And I mean exactly this, no word game! I saved your ass, because if you ended up with this guy, you wouldn't be able to move for at least entire day. And by move I mean you wouldn't be even able to roll over or go to fucking bathroom to piss! You would just lay and wonder why the fuck have you chosen _him_ from all people! You would whimper in pain just the same way I did and nothing could help, cause your insides would be torn open and bleeding, fucking bleeding so much you would start wondering if you are dizzy from pain or blood loss! And even if the day ended you would still have major problems to move, to get up, not mention sitting or putting your damned clothes or, especially your fucking skinny black pants! Because for your ripped apart ass this would be just physically impossible! So stop fucking telling me I did something wrong for you, dammit!'' I breathed heavily looking for second in his big, surprised and maybe confused eyes. He was so dense, I felt like smashing his head on table but I just pushed him away and stormed to my room. Fucker could do anything he wanted. Giving his ass to some fucking sadist who knew no rules and no disagreement? Fine! He wanted to have his ass pounded into like there was no tomorrow? Fine! He wanted to feel raped and dirty and cum-stained? Christ, fine!

''Matt.''

''What?''

''You did those things with this guy?''

''Where did you got this stupid idea from?'' I snarled facing him. He leaned on door frame, hands crossed on his chest and slightly drunken smile displayed on pale lips.

''Here.'' He laughed pointing at annexe. Ah, yea, I did told him something about my own experience. Oh well.

''Why never told me you were into guys?''

''Why should I?''

''I don't know. I told you.''

''It doesn't mean I had to do the same. Just didn't feel like telling you.''

''And why are you slutting yourself with girls?''

''Cause I feel like it?'' Mello shook his head. But didn't say much more, just stood here and watched at me while taking my clothes of and motioning to shower. Creepy. I pushed past him and sighed. I just hoped by tomorrow he wouldn't remember anything. I breathed slowly feeling my body relax a little. It happened some time ago however every time I saw Miles I got this bad feeling. Back then, when I came here to hand my papers to move from England to Japan and applied for university, while staying at Light's place, I met him. And I think this was the worst thing which could actually happen. Maybe apart not getting too drunk and taking him in almost sober. We partied, danced, drank and he brought me to his room in burse. Then he stripped me and fucked senseless. And saying senseless I do not mean it blew my mind because it was so good. No. He fucked me senseless to the point where my whole body was stiff and sore and I couldn't move because pain shot through my whole being. And after he was finished he demanded for me to get out. And I did, but really, even now I don't know how I managed to do this.

I coughed as some water fell in my throat. No, I didn't want to think about this. Past belongs to past.

We haven't talked about that event next day or ever again. He did forget. Was to smashed to remember anything. Next day he came, slightly awkward and while scratching back of his head asked if there were any troubles with him. I smiled and shook my head. Good he didn't remember.

Or that's what I thought.

''Matt.'' I raised my eyebrow while playing some online game. I was about to win the race when I run out of gas. Fucking amazing.

''Cocksucking cheaters!'' I shut my laptop angrily and looked at blonde. ''What is it Mello?'' I asked tapping the sofa so he could sit next to me. He grinned, and- oh my god, did he just lick his lips _seductively?_- sat down.

''I was thinking if you would like to go at Linda's party.''

''Blonde hot chick? Hn, why not?'' He grinned _again_. This should have told me something. But I think I am just too dense to see those alert signs.

I was drinking way too much, thank you, I know it. But it was Mello's fault, really. Every time I intended to finish my drink and put it away, he came and poured me some more, or just brought new glass telling me it was some new drink he made himself based on his own idea. And, you know, when it's actually Mello making something specially and only for you you just cannot say no. Well, you can. I can't. I was just too touched to decline. And here I was, smashed, giggling and touching. I laid down on sofa and some girl crawled on me settling on my laps. I felt her tongue tracing weird patterns on my cheek and though it was pretty gross, all this spit on my face. But I wasn't able to do anything with it, so just closed my eyes and relaxed a little, imagining it was Mello touching me, kissing, licking, feeling. Ah, bite me. It's not like I was in love with him, give me a break. It was just that he was so damn hot I had a boner thinking of him. Nothing weird about this, really. So it's not this weird I was fantasizing about him. As far as I didn't act out on this it was fine. Because there was no way we could be together. Chill, I know this much. I know I won't ever be with anybody I truly like 'cause am too much of a retard to tell everybody about my orientation. So here I was, crushed and licked by some girl imagining my hot flatmate.

Suddenly she let me go and got up. I don't know what she did next, cause I just smiled and kept my eyes closed, basking in imagination. It was too good to open them and see somebody else looking at me with lust, when I wanted only those icy eyes to be filled with lust while looking at me.

Then somebody once again laid on me and I growled with disappointment. I was lost in my dream for a second and it felt so real but this weight on my lap brought me back to reality. I cracked my eyes a little and saw only some blonde hair. Maybe it was Linda?

Her mouth kissed my throat and some skin was caught between her teeth. She nipped and sucked a little, just to leave fair mark.

''Harder.'' I demanded and she complied by sucking harder. I could however feel she was stopping herself so puslled her closer, by locking my hands on leather clad back. I groaned when she lost control and sucked eagerly planting kisses and hickeys on every milimert of my throat. Just the way Mello would. On this thought pressure in my pants [note to yourself I wear skinny jeans] deepened and I moaned on this feeling.

''M..ehh..'' I had to try my hardest not to moan Mello's name. She chuckled and I moaned louder. She even chuckled similarly to him. Oh, thank you god for sending her to me. Maybe I will be able to cheat myself it's him every time we fuck and this real feeling of being with a man will make me finally satisfied for longer then a week? I hissed and suddenly her slightly parted, chocolatey lips were on mine. Without wasting time I slipped my tongue inside and almost started screaming at this bliss. Chocolate bliss.

Fuck. Too much luck. Fuck.

I opened my eyes and pushed her away. She lowered her head so I couldn't see her face, just cornflake blonde bang hiding it. I took her chin in hand and tilted up.

And I lost it, meeting those lust-filled piercing blue eyes.

''Mello.'' I exclaimed and determined pushed myself up.

To reach his lips.

We crashed and this was heaven, his hot, moist mouth, soft hands, warm leather, everything he wore and possessed. There was no way I was backing off now, it felt to good when I bucked into him and for a second he straddled me. But he pulled away really quick and I pouted. Don't tell me it was real, he made me this horny and didn't give a shit.

''Not here.'' He whispers and before my brain can proceed this, we are going to another room, probably Linda's bedroom. As we step inside he pushes door closed and me onto them. He kisses me, biting my lip, drawing blood. I hear a faint sound when he is turning the thumb lock and I shiver. This is weird, having him all over me.

''On your knees'' I demand before can bite tongue and my hands are on top of his head, pushing him down. He smirks and it happens quick, so quick I don't know how it was possible. My belt is ripped away and my pants are yanked to my ankles. He laughs, amused, _overjoyed_, seeing me with no underwear, only an erection sprang out to his face. I threw my head back and he licks my abdomen, tangling his tongue in my pubic hair. If it was anybody else I would think it's gross, but he makes it look sexy, pleasurable, so I really cannot deny it. He buries face in my crotch, rubbing his cheek on my cock and I can feel furious blush firing my face.

''Mello.'' I breathe hard and he licks my swollen shaft, moving to the base, and squeezing it with slender fingers. I cry out but he doesn't stop, oh no, he goes farther, taking the tip into that moist orifice, sucking tentatively, surely only to piss me off.

If that's the case, I grab his head and force myself all the way in. Mello must be a pro at the, cause he didn't even convulse. I laugh aloud and he twirls his tongue around my head, scratching me with teeth.. oh god.

He is bobbing his head up and down so vigorously, so _eagerly_, up and down and up and down, taking my cock inside like some delicious sweet. This is nothing like licking a fuckin' lollipop, with his sinfully icy, staring up at me eyes, bobbing with great speed. His bangs are brushing my crotch every time he takes me all the way he could in- that is a little more than half length and it drives me crazy.

''Ahhn.. aah.. Mello.. Mell..nnh..'' I groan and he sucks in approval, or maybe as a reward for calling out for him. At this point I don't give a shit. He hollows his cheeks and I feel their walls squeezing me inside, and his tongue pressing at slit. I cry out for him again and push forward entering his throat.

''Ohh yess...'' I hiss and rock lightly, trying to get his to deepthroat me more. My fingers entangle themselves in his hair and he flicks around me while his own hands start peeling leather off, then searching my vulnerable body. What is he looking for...?

He speeds his bobbing, up, down, up, down, up, down, licking my painful erection and hums in delight as I am becoming ever harder with building up pressure.

''Mello.. Mello.. nn..ha!'' He bit me! It sends shivers down my spine and I cry, really cry and some tears leak from my eyes. He hums apologetically and I moan again, when he moves his fingers _inside._ So that was what he was doing. I see a devious smile in his eyes when I look down on him, while he keeps wriggling it around, making some space for second.

''Suck harder.'' I moan and he complies, while additionally licking me, deepthroating and humming simultaneously. Ah, let's not forget about scissoring my tight passage.

''Matt..''

''No...!'' I cry again when he stands up, leaving raging erection neglected and welcoming entrance empty. I will kill him really..

''Oh god, my god, Matt...'' He enchants and grabs my tight, wrapping my leg around his waist. Second quickly follows and I am pressed against the door wrapped around Mello.

''I should lube myself with something..'' He says, flash of regret in his eyes when he remembers that.

''No fucking way.'' I hiss in answer and reached between us to grab his thick erection, then push my hips down on it. ''Oh fuck!''

For second time stopped and I stopped and Mello stopped. There was no more rushing things, no more drug-like daze motoring our actions.

''Matt!'' He tore me inside at first go and I cursed loudly, wriggling my hips around to ease the pain. After few seconds Mello got impatient and grabbed it to hold it down, and then, oh god, he thrusted up. Our mouth crashed and teeth were ripping lips open, saliva mixing with blood, touch mistaking with feeling.

''Harder!'' I shouted, gripping him hard, rolling my hips on him. My back arched and I was panting, his legs were trembling, my mouth sucking at his throat, his hips snapping in my ass.

''Matt!'' He pushed inside of me with effort which caused my back to rub painfully against cold wall.

''I c-can't!''He cried and we slid down onto floor, feeling of him filling me good and crashing down on hard floor almost orgasmic. I steadied myself leaning more on the wall and slammed on his dick, while he thrust into me, moaning, groaning, crying out in pleasure. He put his hands on both sides of my head, hips aiming for my prostate, while I slid mine on my cock, pumping it in time with our powerful slams.

''Aaah! Yes, yes, keep going, deeper!'' he smirked even though he had sweat on forehead and pushed deep inside me, slamming on my sweet spot, abusing my prostate. I shut my eyes and moaned, louder then ever.

''Is.. tha-at good.. nn.. enough?''

''MELLO! Mello, Mello, Mello.. nn..'' Few more thrust and I snapped my eyes open to see the last thing being his angelic face before white bliss engulfed me and I came on our bodies, gripping his shoulder and chest, rubbing thumb on his nipple hard.

''Yes!'' He was still pushing, in, out, in, out, in.. I cried, feeling my body convulse from his ministrations, from his slamming into me and ripping my ass apart. He thrust few more times and came inside me, flooding with his hot, surely tasty semen and collapsed forward on me, face in my neck, hands on hips. I hissed in pleasure, gripping him tighter, pressing against me more.

Then, I simply slipped with him on the floor, into unconsciousness. He didn't even have the time to pull out of me.

I was cold. Shivers shook my whole body. Okay, maybe not whole. My legs, entangled with something and my side were pretty warm. But coldness on back stimulated me enough to think I was on some damned Sybir. I cracked my left eye open and wiggled around, hissing on uncomfortable feeling it gave me. I was being full and stretched. What the fuck did I do yesterday? I sighed and rubbed my eye to see better. What, why was I laying on the floor with some blonde? I always made sure to end in bed so I wouldn't be freezing in the morning. Damn.

''Matt..'' I choked and stiffened recognizing this voice.

''Mello?'' Oh, yeah.

''Shh, not so loud.'' He moved slightly and _oh god_ why was this so pleasurable? ''Fuck.'' He shifted and actually pulled out of me. My face was set on fire with this little action. I mean, how the fuck were we able to sleep the whole night and not part?

I looked him in the eyes and he blushed a little.

''Oh.'' What to say? Dammit. God damn it.

''Err.. Sorry..?''

''No need to.'' I shifted and stood up. Was I resigned? Well, yeah. I slept with him, no need to make him guilty about this.

''What do you mean no need to? I took you from behind and it was your second time and you say there's no need to apologize to straight guy for banging him?'' I actually laughed and extended my hand to help him on feet. He grabbed it and got up, glaring at me.

''You know.. It wasn't actually from behind. You took me face to face, Mello.'' He blushed even more and I chuckled. Who would ever think it was him who would be this embarrassed and me being stoic? Freaky.

''Shut up! That's not the thing..''

''Yea, I know. But really, don't be guilty. It's not like it was my first or second or even third time.''

''Whaa! So this encounter with Miles wasn't one-time thing?'' This time it was me who blushed. Furiously, I may add. I coughed and shrugged awkwardly, trying to focus on his face and not hot body.

''How do you..er.. you know?''

''I wasn't this much wasted not to remember this. Only thought this would be uncomfortable for you to mention this.''

''Yeah.. It is..''

''Sorry.. But you know, there's nothing bad about this, right? It helped out..''

''With what?'' I asked, somehow suspicious. Somehow it was sometimes impossible not to suspect this blonde beast.

''Err... Nothing.. Wait! So you're not straight?''

''Shh, idiot!'' I jumped to him and covered his mouth. No need to tell this to whole world, really. I eyed the door. Was that a shuffle behind them? Fuck.

''Don't you shh me! Why haven't you told me sooner? I would have fucked you months ago!'' He whined and I gaped. What, what, what? God, this was too much for me to proceed.

''What the fuck!''

''C'mon, don't tell me you didn't feel like having sex with me! Cause if that's the case I'm gonna strangle myself! I was lusting after you damn much and you didn't? Fuck!'' I laughed at this and shook my head.

''And to think I was living with you...'' I pulled him closer and actually hugged him. For a second he was all awkward, not knowing what was I doing and how should he react, but after a while he simply hugged me back, hiding his face in the crook of my neck. Nice feeling, especially his hot breath tickling my sensitive skin.

''Yo, brats! Get to the kitchen or Light's gonna eat your breakfast!'' I snapped and looked around over my shoulder to see Linda grinning slyly. Suddenly I became very aware of my naked ass put on display. Mello seeing my embarrassment giggled, while hiding his naked body behind mine.

''I.. He.. well, Linda..''

''Yes Matt, no need to be embarrassed. Me and Light were actually betting on you. I mean who will make you go out of the closet. Damned bastard won. I was betting on Near.'' After that she winked at me and went away.

What the fuck?

''They were betting.. on me.. wh..''

''Well, you know. Your skin tight pants are rather gay. And you always have styled hair. And the way you swing your hips..''

''I do what?'' I asked looking at Mello in amazement. Was I really swinging my hips? Whoa, nice one.''That's not the case! Why nobody ever told me anything about this?''

''Well, Matt.. It's your choice and your orientation. Nobody could make your decision for you. And I'm happy it was me who.. you know.''

''I never intended to let everybody know.. Stupid, stuuupid.''

''You regret this?'' I glared at him and actually punched his arm.

''Like in hell is that possible.''

I was feeling really nervous, staying behind kitchen's door. I could hear Light and Misa, Linda, Mello and some other people. Too nervous too define who it actually was I started praying nothing will change after everybody will be sure I really am gay. For now they can only guess, no solid facts. I breathed in and out, slowly and deeply to calm myself down. Okay, few more minutes..

''Matt, get your ass here or I will kick you here.'' Light laughed at Mello's comment and I wanted to cry out of this nauseous feeling of overwhelming stress.

Get a hold of yourself Jeevas! It's only one step, no big deal! I pushed the doorknob and blinked at everyone. Especially Light counting money.

''Dude, thanks to you I earned one hundred and fifty bucks.'' He laughed truly happy and tapped the chair next to him, signalizing me to sit down.

''Why hadn't you told me before?'' I asked, motioning slowly towards him. Misa touched my hand when I was passing her and for a second entwined our fingers. Gross.. But still, touching. And in this moment apparently appreciated.

''Why should I?'' Was his only response and I rolled my eyes. Standard Light.

Everything seemed normal. I looked over at Mello and felt some throb in my heart. Was I falling in love with him? Were we boyfriends now? Was he loving me? What was between us?

I smiled and he did the same.

No matter what it was, no matter what will happen, I knew he became big, irreplaceable part of my life.

* * *

Uh. That took me some time to write. Especially since I do not use laptop apart from weekends for fun stuff [need to focus on studies, since I am senior in high school and want to end it with some good grades and passed exames..] and actually am not sure how do I like this. I wanted to write some bossy Matt, but in this story this kind of our beloved redhead didn't fit. No, not at all. Maybe next time. Yup.

While writing this I am under influence of story Red Nail Polish by parasitic. You should read this, this story is incredible. Really. First one in my whole life where I actually learned to like mellow OOC Mello. So.. that means something.

Hope you enjoyed? Hope the ending isn't too much of a shit?

And yea. I do not own: Death Note or its characters, Nadal, Federer, US Open or anything that I mentioned and surely do not own. Clear? Good.

Till next time

cheri. : )


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